A Time to Seek and a Time to Lose

I doubt that this site is still visited by anybody, but I thought I’d put the blog back up. Not because I want to get back to blogging, but simply because I myself need to go back and look up a blog entry I wrote in the past sometimes!

To briefly explain what my life looks like at the moment:

I’m still not going to college, and I still don’t know if I will go back in August or not. Maybe, maybe not.

Rather not. But don’t tell my mom!

I’m having the most wonderful time of my life with the greatest people ever. My awesome friends have been there for me all these years, and these past few months we have grown stronger than ever. It’s amazing to have such a strong bond of love and understanding with such a fantastic group of people!

I am no longer teaching my two baby sisters on a regular basis, for several reasons.

First, my mom wants to put them both in the same grade together this coming school year.

Second, she wants them to start the A Beka DVD homeschool program, which makes my help completely unnecessary.

And third– I suppose there is a reason why it’s called “Homeschool Moms”. Homeschool sisters just don’t work out too well. And there are certain duties which belong to a mother, which even an older sister shouldn’t take over.

I am still taking pictures, though I hardly find the time to edit and upload very many. Certainly not as many as I take! I do finally have a new camera, and have had it for a few months now. An Olympus E-510. I’m very happy with it… it is permanently attached to my body.

I still film and edit videos, though I never have the time to upload those either. Perhaps someday.

I haven’t found the grand purpose behind my life yet, though I doubt that I ever will. I no longer feel the need to discover that purpose, actually. I’m content living my life day by day, and I’m truly enjoying every moment (well.. almost).

I have some ideas for what I might be doing throughout this coming year, and perhaps even in the years to follow– though none of them are anywhere close to concrete or even well-thought-through. They are simply ideas, waiting for doors to open where paths are to be taken, and other doors to close on paths that weren’t meant to be.

Because: there’s a time for everything.

these are hilarious.. but probably only to those people who know EXACTLY what every single one of these means. I was nodding all the way through..

1. You had to share a room until you were 21. (not me.. I hardly ever shared a room throughout my life)
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil. (not me.. but my mom.. gg)
3. You are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.(sometimes.. )
4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think its normal. (I hate being late.. but yeah.. that’s definitely true for the rest of my family!!)
5. All your children have nick names, which sound nowhere close to their real names. (well, i don’t have kids.. but I guess i give people nicknames like that! And a lot of my friends have those nicknames..)
6. You know someone with 20 kids. (hehe.. no.. only 17)
7. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house. (yeah.. what’s wrong with that??)
8. You can fit 10 people into a Dacha. (gg.. kinda.. tho not into a Dacha)
9. Your parents never throw anything away and if you by some chance manage to get something to make it to the garbage can… it mysteriously appears back where it was again. (nah, not my dad at all.. he doesn’t like junk..)
10. You have lace curtains. (lool.. only in one room of the house..)
11. You have lace tablecloths. (none actually on the table… but yep.. that’s veery Russian)
12. You have or had rugs on your walls. (nope, never… yay, proud of myself!)
13. Your mom tells you you’re too skinny even though your 30 pounds overweight. (not my mom.. but my grandma!!)
14. Girls cant have boyfriends when they are 17 but they have to be married at 18. (well, the current generation kinda changed those standards.. except for the being-married-at-18 part!)
15. You have curtains hanging across every doorway. (I’m proud again.. we don’t!)
16. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think but they won’t let you do certain things because of what other ‘brati’ and ’sestri’ will think. (lol!)
17. You know someone that married his girlfriend of 2 months. (oh yeah!)
18. You know a girl that married at 16. (my great-grandma. Other than that.. I know a lot of girls who married at 17… but my friend married a 16-year-old.)
19. Your mom thinks she is a doctor and force feeds you medicine for anything ranging from a headache, stomach ache to a stubbed toe. (don’t remind me!!)
20. Your house is full of foreign medicine that is probably illegal here. (haha.. yeah..)
21. You sing at every party you go to. (that isn’t normal??)
22. Your mom recycles plastic cups and plastic plates, and sandwich bags by washing them. (ahem… she does.. until I throw it all out! gg)
23. You dont know how to use a dishwasher.(yes I do!)
24. You use grocery bags to hold garbage. (not me.. but I know plenty of people who do..)
25. Your dad has butchered a pig or lamb. (lol.. I have butchered pigs.. or at least helped my dad with it)
26. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible. (why is that a Russian thing? doesn’t everyone do that? we do…)
27. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils. (um.. yeah? I feel stupid now.. isn’t that a normal thing?)
28. Going to the movies is a greh. (hahaha…that’s a good one )
29. Your parents call you farm animals when you get them mad. (baran) (gg.. not mine..)
30. Your dad has washed your mouth with soap for saying bad words. (me? bad words? gg)
31. Getting married at 18 is normal. (not to me… but to most people I spend time with )
32. Getting married at 16 actually happens. (yes.. it does..)
33. Your mom washes your clothing at 40. (I’m not 40.. but yes, she does wash my clothes..)
34. A new tax being passed by the government is simply a cover up because >the end of the world is really coming. (rofl!)
35. Asking if you can get a discount at a discount store on items that are clearance is normal and not embarrassing for your parents. (hahaha)
36. You don’t use measuring cups when cooking. (um.. no, I don’t.. not really… it’s too much work.. gg)
37. You feel like you’ve gotten a good deal if you didn’t pay tax. (why not?)
38. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane. (lol!!)
39. You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m. (no, not me.. and not my family..)
40. If you don’t live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you’ve eaten, even if it’s midnight. (hehe)
41. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you’re talking to a distant cousin. (it’s happened)
42. Your parents don’t realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their
lungs when making foreign calls. (not mine)
43. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them away from getting dirty.  (noo.. but I have friends like that..)
44. It’s “normal” if your wedding has 600 people. (and why not?)
45. You dont know half the people at your wedding cuz your parents invited them. (gg..well, I haven’t had a wedding yet.. but when i do, I don’t think my parents will do the inviting. )
46. You’ve seen the ground while inside the bathroom of a train. (I don’t remember if I did. It sounds like something familiar though…)
47. You have mastered the art of bargaining in grocery shopping. (no.. I don’t bargain.. that’s why I have to take Celicks with me..)
48. You drink tea after every meal. (and every couple hours between meals. gg)
49. Half of all the things you own is from the bazar. (nope.. ;-))
50. You walk out of the grocery store with no less then two packed shopping carts weekly -Your babushka (grandma) is under the impression your always hungry. (yes to both… kinda..)
51. You’ve at least had one birthday party at a park. (I’m trying to remember if I did.. but I have definitely been to a lot of birthday parties at a park..)
52. You have a greencard. (unfortunately, no.. gg)
53. Your father can fix anything. (he can.. and I’m absolutely serious..)
54. You’ve had at least one pet named “Kesha.” (noo)
55. You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying with all your friend’s parents. (not mine.. ;-))
56. People are always asking you if you can get them a cheap deal on something…and you can. (hahaha)
57. You are somehow related to most of the people you know. (not in the US… but back in Germany, yeah)
58. You’ve spent at least a one whole saturday at a junkyard. (yes, I’ve spent many Saturdays at a junkyard.. but just because I have friends who had one!)
59. 50% of your car is held together by bondo. (no way.. my car is way cool.. gg)
60. You know at least one guy that owns a shop. (yeaaaah.. loots of them, actually)
61. Its normal to have five different colors of fenders on your car before you paint it. (well yeah!)
62. The windows on the car you drive are tinted to twice the legal limit. (not on my car.. dunno why I never did that..)
63. You’ve owned a Civic at some point in your life. (nope.. and simply because every Russian drives a Civic!)
64. Your Honda has either a RU (Russia) or UA (Ukraine) sticker on the back bumper. (no.. but half our church does!)
65. You learned how to drive stick before automatic. (hehe.. yes.. I actually did..)
67. Your uncle is in the Russian Mafia or is a former employee of the KGB. (gg.. I have uncles who LOOK like they’re in the Mafia!)
68. You have been kicked out of the movies at least twice for trying to sneak in without paying. (not me.. I pay for the movies I watch.. But yeah.. my friends/cousins have done that pleenty of times..)
69. Guys are identified by what kind of cars they drive. (of course.. what else?)
70. You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas. (I think I know more than 60!)
71. Every other guy you know is named Alex. (tell me about it!!!)
72. Your parents have computer “experience” for 8 years already on the resume, yet they been in US for only 4… (hehe)
73. More than half the school knows you. (not going to school or college right now )
74. You shout out “Ra-Si-Ya!” when covering the cold war, or any soviet related history in school. (gg)
75. You spend at least 4-8 hours in church weekly. (some weeks, yep)
76. Typical Friday/Saturday night phone call to your friends starts with >”So what are we doing tonight?”  (lol.. yeaah..)
77. You wear a fur hat with snowboarding goggles;) ADMIT IT… you know its true… (nooo)

well, people are always interested in the greencard lottery, and want to know how one enters it and such. Usually, they ask it at the wrong time of the year.. and by the time November rolls around, they forget to ask me for the details… And then they ask again sometime in Spring… which is way too late/early, depending on how you look at it.

So, I thought I’d write a short little blog post on how to enter the greencard lottery… and honestly, to all my German and international friends– go ahead and enter it.. you can’t lose (it’s free).. and even if you do win a greencard, nobody’s gonna force you to move to the US. Instead.. it means that you can freely travel back and forth.. without having to worry about visas and such. Not to mention that there are plenty of people out there who would kill just to get that little slip of (white, not green) paper…

Anyhow.. so for those who don’t know what the Diversity Visa Lottery is:

The US government is big on diversity.. meaning that they want people from lots of different countries over here. They’ve got plenty of Russians and Mexicans… so those of you born in those countries can forget about winning a greencard.. sorry. (However, if you’re married to someone who was born in another country, your family can still apply… My dad was born in Russia, but because my mom was born in Kyrgyzstan, it’s not a problem).

It works like this… any country from which less than 50,000 people emigrated to the US in the last five years, is part of the lottery. If you were born in Germany, Switzerland, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Ukraine or whatever else– you are free to enter. Each year, the US government gives out 55,000 greencards to people from all countries except: (this is not the list of countries that can apply.. it’s the list of those that CAN’T apply)

BRAZIL,
CANADA,
CHINA (mainland-born),
COLOMBIA,
DOMINICAN REPUBLIC,
ECUADOR,
EL SALVADOR,
GUATEMALA,
HAITI,
INDIA,
JAMAICA,
MEXICO,
PAKISTAN,
PHILIPPINES,
PERU,
POLAND,
RUSSIA,
SOUTH KOREA,
UNITED KINGDOM (except Northern Ireland)
VIETNAM

So, if you, one or both of your parents (if you’re under 21) or your husband/wife were born anywhere else.. you’re fine.

Alright.. now to the rest of the requirements. There aren’t many at all… only one, actually.
You have to have at least a high school diploma (Realschulabschluss for Germans..).. OR two years of work experience within the past five years in an occupation requiring at least two years of training or experience to perform.

There are NO age requirements.. it doesn’t matter whether you’re under 21 or even under 18… you just have to have a high school education. So, if you’re under 21.. you can apply once under your parents’ name.. and once under your own name. If you want to, that is.

So, if you’ve got all the requirements down.. here’s what you need to apply:

The application has to be submitted online, so you need internet access somewhere.

You also have to have a passport photo of every person in your family who is applying. If you have children under the age of 21.. you need all their pictures (except for those who are already American citizens, as with Johanna and Jeanette, in our family). The photos have to be digital, since you have to apply online.. and they have specific requirements, which you can find here.

You don’t have to get the picture taken professionally.. as a matter of fact, it’s sometimes easier to do it at home with a digital camera, if you know how to edit photos. Otherwise.. just scan it.

The winners are chosen by a computer– and if you’re lucky, you’ll get a letter sometime around May of 2008, informing you that you’ve won. Then, you have to hurry up and go to the nearest embassy… you’ll get the visa between October of 2008 and September of 2009 (don’t you just hate how slow the govs can be sometimes?? But.. if you do happen to win a greencard, you certainly have no right to complain..).

That’s it… you can find the official instructions here. They also have the instructions in other languages, such as Russian and Ukrainian… here..

So, like I said.. it’s free to enter… you don’t need to pay any money.. you just have to qualify. What are you waiting for? You have to apply before December 2, 2007.. so hurry up.

Go here to apply for the DV Greencard Lottery.

(wooow.. I wrote this a week ago, was SURE I posted it.. but figured out just now that it was only saved as a draft!!)

Alina sent this to me, and I just had to post it, since I’m not much of a chainletter person, but I like it a lot.. I know there are different versions of this [Russian Friends/American Friends, etc].. but who cares.. I still want to post it…

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM

FAKE FRIENDS: never seen you cry.
REAL FRIENDS: cry with you

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: keep your stuff so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.
REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.
To that, I just want to say how much I appreciate all my true friends. I couldn’t stop nodding my head as I read through the list, thinking how well it fits my Kashagas… and even applies to ME, when I’m at my friends’ house.. Who knocks on doors or is afraid to ask for food?? And, I suppose.. that really is how you can tell the difference between friends who are really like family, and those you barely know.

Also, for anyone who is wondering where I’ve disappeared to lately (oh yeah.. like you didn’t see THAT coming.. another excuse for why I never write emails or blog posts).. I’ve been working with my dad lately.. First time I’ve been doing construction in about three years. What that means, in plain English.. I only come home to sleep!

The house we’re working on right now is right next to Celicks’ house.. so I’ve spent every evening there.. hanging out with my true friends..

On Thursday, Art and Sam even got off their regular job.. and we all got to work together again for the first time in three years. That was great.. really great, and it just makes me appreciate my friends soo much. Guys.. I really can’t tell all of you how much i love you… don’t know what I would do without you!!! (All of you.. not just Art and Sam! )

I have lots and lots of pictures I want to upload.. but I’m afraid no one will ever have the patience to look through all of them! But I’ll still try to get started on the uploading today.. especially since I can imagine that tomorrow will turn into another picture-worthy day.. (today we were playing paintball/shooting rifles.. same plan for tomorrow..)

Edit: i did upload pictures.. and they’re right here.

remember my last blog post, a few days ago? About wanting to get back to riding horses?

well… here’s the thing…. I just got a horse today.

Actually, that’s not quite true. Because it’s not a horse, it’s a pony.. and I got it for the 2J’s, not for myself. They don’t even know about the sweet little guy yet… my dad and I kept it a secret. Not even my mom knows about it… the entire family will figure it out when they wake up tomorrow morning.

Speaking of which… Mom, Alex and Dorky are going to be home in a couple of hours.. finally! They’re currently on their way back from the Dallas airport… kinda unfair that we’re making them drive all the way on their own, after they just had this super long flight from Germany… but it wasn’t even my idea.. I think it was Mom’s.

About the pony… it almost seems like my dad was just waiting for a go-ahead sign from me or something. I mean… as soon as I changed my mind about wanting horses after the rodeo last week… and as soon as I told him about the cute guy I had found for the 2J’s.. he agreed, and it was just like.. “let get him tomorrow!”

So this morning was last-minute horse-supply shopping time.. getting halters, leads, buckets and feed… and a few hours ago, the pony actually got here. Hiding it from Johanna was tough, because I really didn’t want to read bedtime stories to her.. I wanted to go out there to the horse! But she’s asleep now… and I’ve already spent some quality time with my new best friend.

I’m tired of calling him “sweet guy” and “pony” though… so now it’s name-picking time! Funny, but I seem to always be the one who’s in charge of that, around here. I chose Johanna’s middle name (Rachael… which is what she always wants to be called, by the way.. but nobody really listens to her )… our first dog, Rolex.. our second dog, Laila.. our current dog, Denali… all of them owe their names to me. And yes.. I always pick weird names, I guess. Or, at least.. unusual ones..

Did I ever tell you the name of our newest duck? Sir Darcy.. *gg*… The older two ducks, I call Donald and Daisy.. though I really don’t have much to do with them, other than feeding them sometimes. They’re not very cuddly.

As for Alex’s fish… they died. Hey.. don’t blame me! I know I was supposed to take care of them while he was gone… buuut.. I mean.. what can I do? They just died… not my fault, right? RIGHT??

Well then… I guess that’s it for tonight. If anybody has any name suggestions.. let me know.. please! Tomorrow will be full of heated discussions on fitting names for the newest addition to the family… and I know everyone will hate most of my suggestions, as usual.. but, they’ll accept them in the end.

Edit: As for the pictures… I’ll try to get some nicer ones tomorrow morning.

Yesterday, I went to the PRCA Championships (the rodeo) with Max, Dasha, and Co.  I had a good time… it was so nice to do something without the 2J’s again. Not that I am tired of them… but you feel so tied down, when you are the only one responsible for them, and have to stay with them all the time. I know how mothers must feel when they finally get a night out without the kiddos! Except, of course, I’ve only been “stuck” with Johanna and Jeanette for less than two weeks… I cannot imagine how a person must feel after a year… five years.. ten years.. (or 18 years, in my mom’s case!)

When I saw all those horses again… the great riders… I suddenly wondered why I had given up riding. I mean… I couldn’t remember a point where I consciously decided that I wouldn’t ride horses anymore… I couldn’t even remember the last time I had sat on a horse… it simply “happened”. Somehow.. I didn’t have time anymore.. rode less and less.. until, eventually, without even realizing it.. I gave up on horses.

Watching all these great horsemen/women suddenly made me remember what it feels like to gallop through the wind.. feeling the horse beneath you… the thrill of jumping.. becoming one with the animal..

And then, I regretted giving up… and wondered how it could have happened. I tried to remember how long it had been since I had sat on a horse, and I couldn’t think of it. In any case, it must have been a long time ago… because I know it has been at least two years since I broke my dad’s heart by saying I wasn’t interested in horses anymore and didn’t want one..

I told him I didn’t have time for horses anymore. And I know that that’s still true… I don’t really have time… not unless I make time. Part of me really wants to do that… get back to riding horses.. But another part of me knows that I should be making steps toward a “real” future… after all.. I’m not 13 anymore…

All that thinking of giving up dreams made me think about music, too. Is the same thing happening right now, that happened back then, when I unconsciously gave up on horses? Because… I really have been letting my passion for music slip away completely. What happened to practicing two hours a day? To concerts and writing music? The last time I really practiced piano was probably last May.. before I went to Germany. That’s five months ago..

Back then, I couldn’t even imagine my life without music… the thought of giving up piano seemed bizarre and ridiculous.. absolutely unthinkable. Now, without realizing it, once again… I have given up so much of it already. Pretty much, I DID give up… since I lost so much by not practicing 5 whole months.

Actually, I’ve gone even crazier than that..

Thanks to my wonderful (and crazy!) friend Abby.. I am in the middle of a music fast right now. Yes… exactly.

So what does that mean? I don’t listen to music at all.. just to clear my head, mainly. I’m not sure how long this will last.. but I think at least until December 1st. I’m not even sure how long it’s been since i started.. about two weeks, I guess. Though I used to think I could absolutely NEVER live without listening to music.. I’ve found that it’s not hard at all, and I definitely don’t feel the need to count the days or anything like that.

I think that something is impossible to live without for as long as you think that you cannot live without it. As soon as you decide that you will NOT die if you don’t eat for three weeks or don’t listen to music for two months… then you WILL survive, no matter how important it used to be to you.

Sometimes I can’t believe I really went without food for three weeks. I tried to fast for ONE single day about a month ago. I didn’t even last till lunch.

Yep.. soo… I guess it has something to do with the mindset. Or some psychological mumbo-jumbo.

In any case.. yeah.. that’s that. I wonder if people will think I’m crazy for going on a music fast.. It’s something that never occurred to me until Abby suggested it, either. But I think it’s a good idea…
Just like with the food fast, I won’t suddenly start listening to music again when I get off the fast. But instead, like eating raw veggies and fruits the way I did when I came off the three week food fast, I will have to slowly start listening to music again.. “filtering out what offends me” (in Abby’s words).

umm.. ookay.. so that went from the Rodeo to riding horses to music, I guess. lol. Now I don’t know how I should title this post!

so… this is the end of day five, if I haven’t lost count yet.. So far it has been good, and fairly nice… though quite exhausting at times. There were times when I felt like dropping into my bed at 8 pm… and on Friday, I needed an iced coffee at 4 pm just to wake me up enough to go pick the two J’s up from Celicks’ house. Yes, thank you for babysitting them, by the way, Dasha.. without you, that day would have been a disaster!!

Other than Friday, I’ve been “stuck” with Johanna and Jeanette 24/7, though… There were a few moments when I almost felt like running to my room and slamming the door behind me… but those were rare, and I handled them like a mature adult, no matter how I felt.

Mainly, they’re both a lot of fun.. and I am having a good time. Though, if I ever have a family.. I sure am glad I will NOT start out with two kids to run after, two guys to cook for (plus the kids, who seem to go through endless amounts of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches..), a huge house to clean (I never considered our house to be huge before… but when I’m the ONLY one having to clean all of it, every day.. uahh..), plenty of laundry to wash/dry/iron, and who knows what else.

In a way, this has been an awesome experience for all three of us, though. (so far, anyways).. It is sooo awesome to see them responding to my efforts… watch them learn to work as a team, instead of fighting constantly..

Those few angelic moments, when they actually come up to me and OFFER to help almost make me tear up. (okay, not really… I don’t tear up that quickly.. but it’s still moving!) Or when I see them working things out between them, without me even having to say a word.. I almost feel like it’s all worth it.

Of course, they have their “bad” moods, too. Only now do I realize what we must have put our mom through at times…. It’s a horrible feeling to have worked like a maniac all day long, driving all over the place, offering all your time and energies, not getting to do anything for yourself that day… and then having them pull a long face, and whine about how they’re not having fun or something is STILL not going their way. They might as well punch me in the gut when they do that. But.. you know… I guess I’m just reaping what I sowed when I was their age…

Despite most people thinking that Johanna and Jeanette are twins, they are VERY different. Johanna will only eat FrootLoops… Jeanette wants Smacks. Johanna drinks hot cocoa, Jeanette insists on chocolate milk. Johanna loves dressing like a princess every single day, wanting to look perfect… Jeanette is a jeans-and-t-shirt person. Johanna likes watching the same movies over and over again.. Jeanette is always up for something new. Johanna will only eat raspberry jam.. Jeanette wants plum preservers. And so on and on…

The other day, I poured hot water into Jeanette’s Nestle chocolate powder… and gave her raspberry jam.

The worst part, for me.. is having to get up in the middle of the night, though. And Jeanette never lets me sleep through the night. She makes me stand next to her bed until I feel like I’m going to fall over because I’m so tired… And as soon as I finally drop back into my own bed, she starts calling me again. Except that she doesn’t really call me by my name.. she cries “Maaama”.. and it’s not easy for me to respond to anything but my own name in the middle of the night!

Last night, at 4 AM, Johanna decided that she didn’t feel like sleeping anymore. *sigh*

Oh, and she also redefined laziness…
After looking at the toys and other various items scattered all around the living room and their bedroom tonight, I told Johanna that we would have a lot of cleaning up to do tomorrow morning.

“Tomorrow?”.. she gave me one of her *looks* (people tell me that those *looks* are very similar to my own *looks*.. but i don’t believe that.. since when do I give anyone any *looks*??! )

“Why tomorrow? We’ll do it after tomorrow..”, she continued..

yeees.. that’s what I feel like a lot of times, right now…

Yesterday, i actually took the time to clean my car, because I was tired of saying “tomorrow”! I haaate it when anything is dirty, especially my car or my room (since that’s where I spend most of my time!)… but it’s so hard to just take the time to vacuum it, sometimes.

Plus, it was way too hot again…. I was almost wishing for the German weather my family has been telling me about! It beats sweating like a horse, anyhow… (well, actually it doesn’t. I take that back!)

I’m getting to the point where I sort of feel like wearing sweaters again, though. I love wearing sweaters.. but don’t get too much of that in Oklahoma. Right now, the temperature is up in the lower 30’s (Celsius! Upper 80’s in Fahrenheit) every day… definitely not sweater-weather.. Oh well.. I guess that’s fine too

Buuut.. I need to go to sleep, badly. It’s five minutes past midnight… which means I didn’t keep my self-imposed 12 AM curfew again. Well, not curfew.. bedtime is more like it. That darn alarm clock is going to ring way too soon, and I’ll be exhausted again…. Especially when you count all the sleep I lose with Jeanette making me get up…

ooh.. I sound like I’m complaining. I’m not! I’m having a good time… as long as it’s only for two weeks, this is pretty cool.

wow, thank you SO much for taking the quiz, everybody! It was absolutely fantastic to be able to read all of your responses… you have no idea how many times you had me laughing out loud. =D

I do admit that I put a whole lot of trick questions in there, and that is why practically no one really got a high score. The winners are Abby and Max, with 80 points each… yeehaaa to both of you.. I guess you must be my closest friends. =D

No, I’m kidding.. this quiz really didn’t do too much to test how well a person knows me, since I basically asked a lot of questions about things which I don’t really talk to anyone about. Like the favorite flower thing…. I don’t think I’ve ever really told anyone what my favorite flowers are.. (but you guys SHOULD know that red roses are NOT my favorite flowers… I hate overrated things, don’t you know?)

Well, I’ll try to explain the correct answers a bit here..

1. What’s my favorite color?

Okay, okay.. I admit it.. trick question, big time, right there. 38% of you (5 out of 13) picked blue… probably because my room is completely blue.
But still, I think most people should know that my favorite color is actually black…. I’m always wearing it, for goodness sakes! (or at least, all winter… it looks a bit weird in the summer *gg*)

2. What’s my normal (or rather, favorite) bedtime?

Well, everyone knew that I’m not an early kind of person… but apparently, a whole lot of you thought I go to sleep at midnight. Yes, Alex, I do admit that I decided to always go to sleep at midnight.. but that was only recently, and it’s still not my FAVORITE bedtime. I function best at night, and love staying up until 3 or 4 AM… but because that isn’t very disciplined, I decided to always go to sleep before midnight. That decision, and how I came to it, is an entire long blog post all in itself.. soo.. I’ll go into more detail some other time.

3. Favorite Boy’s Name

69% picked the right answer… Noah.

Johnny.. I think you only picked ‘John’ because it’s similar to your own name. You’re so full of yourself..

4. What instrument HAVEN’T I played?

everyone got that one right. lol… I guess that was the easy question on the quiz..

5. What have I NEVER done?

And this was the hard question, I suppose. Because only one single person got the right answer.. my brother (so you do know me better than most people, after all.. *gg*).
But you know what really surprised me about the answers to this question? A whooole lot of you thought I have never drank alcohol in my entire life. Wow.. do  I really come across as such a good girl? I grew up in Germany, remember? 3-year-olds have beer in their bottles..

Well, okay.. they don’t…
But still… I’m completely blown away by the fact that most of you really thought I have never drank alcohol in my entire life. Thanks.. I’ll take that as a compliment!

Oh, and yes.. I have ridden a dirt bike… that was the second-favored answer.. though still only 31%..

6. Who is my official “Coolest Dude in the World”?

Most people knew the answer to this one.. including Max himself..

Apparently Art is jealous, though… ’cause he picked Brad Pitt! (are you serious, Art? I mean, really, really serious? Brad Pitt??)

7. Where was I born?

Yes, I was born in Germany.. which most people knew. Just one person thought I was born in Russia. Again.. I’ll take that as a compliment… because I always thought my Russian sucks.

8. What do I like the most?

uah.. you guys really do make me look like a chocolate freak… And I guess that’s because I am one. Funny enough, Art, Alex, Dorky and Johnny all thought it was hard candy. I’m surprised.. because, really.. I have never liked hard candy very much..

9. What do I want to do with my life?

Yes.. I do still love airplanes.. And most of ya’ll know it.. (85%)

10. What are my favorite flowers?

Like I said, I never talk much about flowers… The people I’m with aren’t very interested in them. Most conversations I have with a lot of my friends are about cars… I have to admit that I’m not a flower freak either.. and I’m certainly not the kind of person who would go all “Ohhh myyy gooooosh” about flowers, even orange tulips…. but… I do like them.. (I don’t think I go “oh my goooosh” about anything at all. Do I? I guess I’m pretty hard to excite..)

But yeah, my favorite flowers are orange tulips. Only three of ya got it right.. (go Abby!).. but a lot seem to have gone with the white daisies. Makes me wonder why… Do I look like a white daisy kind of person? I don’t know.. white daisies make words like “shy” “introverted” “timid” and “afraid” come to my mind. I wonder if that’s the person I come across as, to people who haven’t been around me very much. Because actually, it was those people who barely know me in “real life” who picked that one. All the people who are around me a lot, chose other flowers.. (except for Alex. Wonder why..)

Well, but I guess that’s it then. Like I said.. it was absolutely fantastic to be able to read the results of this quiz… Though I admit that it doesn’t necessarily prove whether you truly know me or not.

Maybe I’ll make a quiz that would better test that knowledge factor…. But definitely not today.. and maybe not for a while. Give me another year or two..

hey.. I think I did this before a few years ago… but I don’t think I had as many readers on my blog back then, and didn’t get such a huge amount of responses. Of course, despite the large amount of readers I now have, I still don’t get too much visible response (comments).. but who knows, maybe some of you will actually try the quiz.

I just wanna see how well you know me. =D

So, here’s the quiz. Take it, okay?

so.. I guess I’m supposed to be blogging about what it feels like to be 18.

I don’t know… not different than 17?? I mean… I try to tell myself that I’m not a minor anymore and all that… but I still feel the same way. lol.

On the one hand, when the realization overcomes me– wow, I’m 18– it makes me feel something between melancholic, sad and shocked..

I remember how I looked up to 18-year-olds when I was younger. Dang, they were OLD.. they were COOL.. they were so grown up! They could do everything they want to.. nobody told them what to do anymore! I wanted to be 18. As a matter of fact, I could hardly wait.

That obsession slowly faded over the years.. especially the last two. The closer I got to 18 without feeling any older, the less significance the number had to me. And especially now that I’ve reached this day.. the day I turned 18… it doesn’t special in any way.

Are you supposed to feel grown up when you’re  18? Because I still feel like a kid! I still feel like I have no life experience whatsoever, and that I can’t make it on my own..

What’s funny, is that I was sure that I could make it on my own a few years ago.. when I was 15.. 16…
But recently, I’ve realized more and more how young I still am.. and how little I know. I don’t feel prepared to face the world on my own… though now my parents are the ones pushing me out of the nest, instead of me trying to climb out myself the way I used to. Back then, they had to hold me back.. and sometimes carry me back when I jumped out and fell to the ground like a rock..
…now they’re pushing me, encouraging me to try my wings… and suddenly, my nest looks so comfy and nice. Now that I’ve reached the age I always thought i would leave home at.. I want to stay in my home for at least a few more years!

I personally know many girls who got married at this age. One got married on her 18th birthday. She’s 21 now and has two kids. I swing back and forth between admiration for them for apparently being so mature at this age.. and feeling like those girls must have lost their mind for taking a step like that so early.

I actually know a girl who got married at 17… today, she is the (very) happy mother of three children. So, i guess it works for some people. Definitely not for me. =D

Anyways.. I’ve sort of reached a weird topic here. I was going to tell you about my birthday party..

Well, not much to tell there. There were 55 people here… when they all started arriving, I just wanted to go up and hide in my room.. But it was fun anyways. The bad part was, that because of the amount of people, it was impossible to really talk to anyone. I felt like everyone must be feeling left out and ignored… And that wasn’t very good.

Because of that, I was quite relieved when most people left and just us Kashagas were left. We went out back and lit a huge bonfire in the dark…

…it started to rain, and we stood in the light of the gigantic fire in the clearing in the middle of the woods… warm summer rain soaking all of us.. quietly watching and talking. It was the perfect ending to a beautiful day..

I felt so blessed to call so many people my friends… it was amazing to see all of them in one place. Especially since very many of my closest friends couldn’t even be there. And so, to know that, despite so many not being there, I really do have so many friends who love me and care about me. All of you are special to me, and all of you make a difference in my life. Thank you for everything you do..

I especially want to thank my Kashagas… We’ve been through so much.. and as we get older, the bond of friendship only deepens. This past summer has been an incredible experience for me… I’ve learned so much.. grown so much.. had such a wonderful time.

As the memories drift through my thoughts, I feel so blessed for the time I’ve been given on this earth. God has given me so much… And the most valuable thing he’s given me are the people in my life. My family.. my friends.. everyone who touched my life in their own special way.

You know who you are, and you know what you’ve done for me. Thank you. All of you.